I, like many others in the world, like to think that I am something special. I have 3 degrees, I'm fairly intelligent, I've pretty much been on the straight and narrow my whole life. I went to college. I'm not selling my body or using men for money. I feel like I've done everything in life right...and guess what...I'm still struggling. I ask myself almost daily "Lord why me...AGAIN?" It seems like I can't ever catch a break. I try to be a good person, I give to the homeless, I'm a supportive friend. Why does this shit keep happening to me?
Just a few months ago I was on the up & up. I had just made it through a tumultuous time in my life. A breakup, a serious surgery, a period of extreme brokeness and depression. I thought FINALLY GOD LIKES ME AGAIN! I was making lots of money, moved into this gorgeous townhouse, had a new man who I thought was everything I ever asked for (that was a joke - but that's another story for another day). Shit was sweet for about 6 weeks.
Then BOOM - I was hit with with another storm. I've been in this same storm since November. That money I was making? Gone. Couldn't agree on terms of my social media contract I had with a small (black) business so I ended it. Savings dried up. I've been applying for jobs and that has not been going well AT ALL. I've never had a problem getting a job until now- when I need it most.
I've been knocked back down to square 0. I'm packing up my gorgeous townhouse to move back home with my mom while I figure my life out and restore my savings. The last few months have been hard financially, I can't even front. It's like a domino effect. Brokeness leads to depression which leads to laziness which leads to not being productive. I haven't been in the mood to plan or post anything BGT-related & I refuse to do anything half-assed because y'all deserve better PLUS you do not get a second chance to make a first impression. I've gained a good number of followers and I refuse for their first event with me to be a bad experience. I'd rather wait and get my personal life back in order before I try to plan and execute another event because that's what y'all deserve and my name will not be attached to bullshit. Period.
Moving back home is such an ego buster. It is by far THE MOST humbling thing I've ever had to do. I did it once when I was younger, but at 27 this is the laaaast thing I want to do. I'm giving myself until May to get back on my feet - that's my personal deadline, my mom doesn't give a damn if I ever leave. It's amazing to have her as a cushion, but I crave privacy and space so that is my motivation for getting out quicker. It's also good to know that she isn't forcing me out the door so I don't have to rush - but sooner rather than later is my motto at this point.
I feel like after I get settled back at my mom's I won't be as stressed and I'll be able to find myself and refocus. I want to expand BGT this year. I'd love to go to Atlanta, Baltimore, Houston, and Orlando. But, before BGT can flourish I have to be in the right head space. I cannot run a business if I'm not right within.
Like I say all of the time - life can and will HUMBLE you! Don't think you're too good or better than anyone because it can happen to you too...
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This year, I'm not hearing him scream my name. I'm not hearing his laugh, or hearing him crack jokes. This is truly the hardest thing I've had to cope with, but I'm coping. Not as well as I hoped to, but I'm trying. I've cried almost everyday since his passing and the past week has been so tough. I have never felt a pain as bad as this...
So #ThriveTribe, if you're mourning a loss, know that you aren't alone this holiday season. I'm struggling, but I know my uncle is thriving now. His spirit is free, he isn't bound to a hospital bed anymore, & his quality of life is 100x better than it was on this Earth. My uncle would've been 55 on December 6th. I never thought I'd lose him this soon, but God had other plans.
My mom used to aggravate us by making us take 12928 pictures during family gatherings and now I understand why. Those pictures are everything to me now. #ThriveTribe, I ask that you cherish your loved ones. Love on them. Hug them. Talk to them. Keep them near and dear to your heart. Once they're gone...that's it. All you'll have is memories.
Enjoy your Christmas with the ones you love and for those of you coping with loss like I am, I am sending infinite amounts of love and light to you. Feel free to reach out if you just need to talk.
Happy Holidays & Keep Thriving,
-Ciera'
]]>If you’ve been wanting to do something for a long time, this post is directed to you. Whether it’s moving to a new city, starting a new career, or leaving a relationship, etc. you have been thinking about this “thing” for a while and just never acted on it. I wonder why...
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Actually I know why. The reason why you haven’t acted on it is because you are afraid. You are fearful. When we think of scary things we often think of monsters, creepy clowns, or darkness. But fear doesn’t always have to be related to something out of a horror movie. You may be in a very comfortable position right now. Career going well, your social life is popping. But deep down you want to leave that job. You want to start a business. You want to go back to school, You want to move across the country. You want a change- you’re just afraid to initiate it.
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I too have been there. I walked away from a guaranteed teaching salary and health insurance kind of on a whim. I didn’t make much being a teacher in NC (they pay us crumbs here) but being that I’m childless it was enough and I was fairly comfortable. I also had my 82 side hustles, so I was seeing $4k+ a month after taxes. I liked teaching but I worked at an alternative school and it was super stressful. On March 26, 2019 I packed up my car and decided that I wasn’t going back to that place.
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I didn’t have a bunch of money saved. I had been talking about leaving for months but I didn’t have a definite date. I didn’t know what the future held for me- I simply decided to step out on faith. I not only had faith in God, I had faith in MYSELF. That’s something so many of us lack. You have to leave your comfort zone, you have to try different things to get different results. You have to put all out doubts aside and take that leap!
Make a plan. Set deadlines. EXECUTE. That’s it, that’s all!
]]>At 27, I’m surrounded by my peers getting married and having kids and here I am, childless without a ring in sight. I had my whole life planned out; by now I should have 1 or 2 kids, be married to the love of my life, and living in a beautiful mini-mansion with a resort style backyard and a couple of dogs.
I know God is laughing his ass off right now.
After being in a long-term relationship and having it end abruptly I’m learning more about myself and embracing all of me. I’ve learned that I’ll never be 100% happy with anyone else if I’m not happy with myself. I’ll never experience the love I truly desire if I don’t love all of me. I’ve realized that the first love of my life needs to be MYSELF, because when shit hits the fan I'm the only one I have left.
I haven’t given up on love. I still believe in it, & one day I hope to have all of those things I mentioned earlier. But right now, I choose myself. I am the love of my life. And I’m pretty damn happy.
At 27, I’m still young. I still have my whole life ahead of me. No need to rush anything, especially relationships. I’m enjoying dating, experiencing new people, going out. I know deep down I’m a relationship kind of girl, but I’m not settling. I’m paying attention to how I’m treated and acting accordingly.
Self-love trumps ALL.
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Hey Thrive Tribe!
As you know (or should know), BGT has 7 Pillars of Thriving. If you aren't familiar with what they are click the "ABOUT BGT" link at the top of the page.
Today’s topic will focus on the MENTAL pillar. I am going to discuss bouncing back after a break-up, which is something I’m currently going through. If you follow me on social media, then you know I like to be real with y’all. It’s important to me that I share as much with y’all as possible, because Thriving Through It All isn’t easy!
So listen, my (ex) boyfriend and I have been together on and off for the past 5 and a half years. FIVE. YEARS. *Insert face palm emoji* A couple of nights ago, he packed up and moved out in the middle of the night while I was asleep. We’ve been rocky the past few weeks but I never thought I’d wake up to all of his belongings gone and my house looking a hot ass mess. He blocked my number but had left me a note, insinuating that I was trying to play him. Whew chile – the accusations…
Anyway, I wrote him on Instagram addressing what he said in his note and his responses were rude. I mean he was hitting below the belt, hit after hit after hit. Babyboy was HOT. And although he tried to act like he didn’t care it was clear he was in his feelings, so I stopped responding. We’ve been through this several times, so this isn’t new, but this time, my reaction even shocked me.
My last message to him was "I’ma leave you alone, be safe.” He sent another response and I just liked it. Old me would have called him all types of bum ass niggas, but honestly, I felt a peace come over me.
In that last message he told me to throw away anything he left. Bet. He left so much stuff here. Boxers, wifebeaters, clean laundry in the dryer – he was really trying to get out of here before I woke up. I ended up throwing away 5 bags of clothes, 2 pairs of shoes, some tattoo equipment and some random shit he left in some drawers. With every bag I tossed away I felt better and better.
I posted a video yesterday on IG Live about falling in love with someone’s potential, wanting more for someone than they want for themselves, and loving someone more than you love yourself.
That is what happened to me. My ex is a phenomenal tattoo artist and has been at it for almost 10 years. I’ve watched him improve significantly. I was there when he was doing 1 tattoo a month, I was there in the trenches with him. Here we are, five and a half years later, and while he has progressed as an artist, we haven’t made much progress as couple. At five and a half years, you’d think a ring would be closer right? *Inserts eye roll emoji* As for myself, I’ve gotten a master’s degree, started and ended a teaching career, and started a business. Individually we are flourishing, and I expected us to grow more together. I wanted to start looking at marriage, doing small things like getting a joint account together to save for bills and baecations, start making investments together, really get on this building wealth train. And well, he wasn’t interested.
I know what my ex is capable of, and in my opinion he should have his own shop right now. He should have people booking him and paying deposits online. He did a run of shirts for a clothing line he wanted to create and it was very successful – but he never did a second run. He has so much potential and I see that, and that’s what I held on to…but I’m learning that you can’t hold on to potential! You gotta take your significant other for who they are, because you many wait around forever waiting on them to reach their potential.
Now I love that man to death, I do. But I have to put myself first. I have to love myself more. I have to focus on me. Like I said we've been through this several times, I don’t know what the future holds, but right now it feels good to be able to put me first and not have to consider anyone else’s feelings.
I’ve had a few sad moments because when you’re with someone for so long, this shit hurts, no matter how bad you may have been. I suffer from depression and anxiety, so emotional events like this can really take a toll on my mental health. Normally, I’d be balled up crying in my bed, not eating, not sleeping, just suffering. But this time it’s different. I cried reading that note and while talking about the situation that morning (mainly because of the way he left, not really because he was gone). But other than that emotionally I’ve been okay. I talked to 3 of my friends about it and my mom so now I have what I like to call “relationship accountability partners.” I know if I call them when I’m sad or thinking about him, they’ll tell me to snap the fuck out of it. They’ll remind me of this moment.
I’ve been keeping busy. Having 2 pitbulls keeps me occupied (I’ve cleaned up too much dog shit smh). I’ve deep cleaned my house, set up another office space, I’ve been intermittent fasting, I bought myself some flowers, and I’ve been working. Hell I already got a date *inserts salsa dancing emoji* and I’m determined to enjoy myself.
Although it’s only been a week, my house feels empty. I mean, I do miss having a second human around. BUT I do like that I have been able to sage without complaints, and for some reason my dogs have been wayyyyy calmer (I don’t know if another male presence in here was making them anxious or what). During a break-up you can either choose to be depressed or work through it.
I choose the latter.
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I have always been someone who keeps a lot on my plate. People always tell me I need to relax, I need to let some things go, etc. Currently, I am a full-time middle school teacher, I am the team lead at my school, I serve on a couple of committees, I have Black Girl Thriving that I am trying to grow, I have 2 dogs, I'm currently working on my education doctorate, I have tutoring and babysitting clients to tend to, I'm helping my mom raise my cousins she has custody of, I workout everyday, I uber from time to time, I try to volunteer at least once a month, I go out occasionally, and I have a boyfriend to entertain.
WHEW! That sounds like a lot because IT IS. But I wouldn't change one bit of it.
I won't say that I have completely mastered the work life balance; however, I have figured out how handle all of this and keep my sanity.
1. Meditation- Yes, I meditate daily. Sometimes I just sit in my car for an extra 10 minutes and reflect before going into the jungle that is my condo. During my planning period, I close my door and take a few minutes to myself. That little piece of peace is EVERYTHING to me so I make sure I do it. Yoga is also a great way to decompress and I do that a few times a week.
2. Time management- My time management skills are pretty impeccable. I make a to-do list every morning and I try my best to stick with it. My planner is my whole life! I write down everything. I have learned to say no to doing things if I really cannot do it or if I just don't feel like it. LESS STRESS ALL 2019!
3. Listening to my body- I have Lupus, but I don't like to use it as a crutch. However, when I'm tired, I rest. Lupus has forced me to take a break even when I don't want to. I know that if I overdo it, I could end up having a flare and be out of commission for a few days. So if I listen to my body at the first sign of a flare, I can completely avoid one and hop back in the game the next day.
4. Taking care of my body- This ties in with #3. Having an autoimmune disease, I have to watch what I eat. I have cut out pork and beef, and I hope to become fully vegan in 2019. Don't get me wrong, I still love and enjoy junk food from time to time, but I eat pretty clean and drink LOTS of water. I also workout daily. Sometimes I go to the gym, sometimes I just walk my dogs, but everyday I am active. This has helped me lose over 50 pounds so far and I have been able to get off some of my lupus medications. I take vitamins daily, I use lavender in my diffuser to relax, and benadryl to sleep if I have a hard time (I'm an insomniac).
5. Journaling- Journaling is an awesome (& cheap!) way to relieve stress. I love to write poetry and jot my thoughts down. It's therapeutic.
6. Making time to do things I want to do- THIS! THIS RIGHT HERE IS KEY! Too often we are swamped with so many things to do we don't get to the things we really enjoy. I don't care what I have going on - I make sure that I do something I like once a week (besides working out). Whether it's volunteering, going on a date with my man, or just staying home and binge watching Love and Hip Hop, I make sure to make time for something I like to do.
What are some self-care methods you practice?
]]>Well this year lets be different! No matter what your goal is, stick with it. If you mess up, get back on track. You can take a break from it BUT DO NOT GIVE UP!
One of my main goals is to lose more weight and become toned and healthier. I'm challenging myself to a 101 day fitness challenge (which started on NYE). Last year I did this same thing and lost about 20 pounds and lots of inches. Did I mess up? HELL YES! But instead of throwing away all of my progress, I enjoyed a cookie and here and there and kept it moving. I'm not letting one bad day derail my progress.
So this is my challenge to you- this year DO NOT GIVE UP. Do not call it a New Year's resolution because after the New Year we tend to fall off...and stay off. Whatever your goal is SMASH IT! Keep a running list of everything you need to do to accomplish that goal and do them! SPEND EVERYDAY WORKING ON YOUR GOAL.
Remember this - a goal with no action is just an idea...we all have ideas, but how many of us actually put in the work to make them become reality? Start that business! Lose that weight! Begin that spiritual journey! Don't waste any more time thinking, baby you got to DO IT!
Peace & Blessings,
Ciera' xo.
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BIG THINGS ARE HAPPENING FOR BGT!
First, I would like to say THANK YOU for all of the support you've shown BGT during the first 2 months being in business. Every like, share, and purchase, means more to me than you'll ever know! BGT has made some changes to merchandise offerings and we will start selling cosmetics shortly under the name CIERA' ALEXIS COSMETICS (stay tuned!). We want to make sure we'e selling QUALITY products and although it's a smaller offering than what we started off with the products are of higher quality (& that's what I really care about!).
We have a number of things going on, including vending at NC Central University's homecoming on November 3rd, an SAT Test Preparation session on November 10th, and a Mommy and Me Cake and Paint event on December 9th. There is also a vision board party in the works for late December/ early January.
Once again, thank you so much for your support and TURN ON YOUR POST NOTIFICATIONS ON INSTAGRAM to stay in the loop. We are here to stay in the Charlotte community. Thank you for supporting us.
BGT Founder & CEO,
Ciera' Harris
]]>I look forward to seeing my sistas in their BGT attire and at our events. There's so much more in store!
xoxo - Ciera'
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