Be Humble, By Choice or By Force

According to Vocabulary.com, humility is "the quality of being humble."

I, like many others in the world, like to think that I am something special. I have 3 degrees, I'm fairly intelligent, I've pretty much been on the straight and narrow my whole life. I went to college. I'm not selling my body or using men for money. I feel like I've done everything in life right...and guess what...I'm still struggling. I ask myself almost daily "Lord why me...AGAIN?" It seems like I can't ever catch a break. I try to be a good person, I give to the homeless, I'm a supportive friend. Why does this shit keep happening to me?

Just a few months ago I was on the up & up. I had just made it through a tumultuous time in my life. A breakup, a serious surgery, a period of extreme brokeness and depression. I thought FINALLY GOD LIKES ME AGAIN! I was making lots of money, moved into this gorgeous townhouse, had a new man who I thought was everything I ever asked for (that was a joke - but that's another story for another day). Shit was sweet for about 6 weeks.

Then BOOM - I was hit with with another storm. I've been in this same storm since November. That money I was making? Gone. Couldn't agree on terms of my social media contract I had with a small (black) business so I ended it. Savings dried up. I've been applying for jobs and that has not been going well AT ALL. I've never had a problem getting a job until now- when I need it most. 

I've been knocked back down to square 0. I'm packing up my gorgeous townhouse to move back home with my mom while I figure my life out and restore my savings. The last few months have been hard financially, I can't even front. It's like a domino effect. Brokeness leads to depression which leads to laziness which leads to not being productive. I haven't been in the mood to plan or post anything BGT-related & I refuse to do anything half-assed because y'all deserve better PLUS you do not get a second chance to make a first impression. I've gained a good number of followers and I refuse for their first event with me to be a bad experience. I'd rather wait and get my personal life back in order before I try to plan and execute another event because that's what y'all deserve and my name will not be attached to bullshit. Period. 

Moving back home is such an ego buster. It is by far THE MOST humbling thing I've ever had to do. I did it once when I was younger, but at 27 this is the laaaast thing I want to do. I'm giving myself until May to get back on my feet - that's my personal deadline, my mom doesn't give a damn if I ever leave. It's amazing to have her as a cushion, but I crave privacy and space so that is my motivation for getting out quicker. It's also good to know that she isn't forcing me out the door so I don't have to rush - but sooner rather than later is my motto at this point. 

I feel like after I get settled back at my mom's I won't be as stressed and I'll be able to find myself and refocus. I want to expand BGT this year. I'd love to go to Atlanta, Baltimore, Houston, and Orlando. But, before BGT can flourish I have to be in the right head space. I cannot run a business if I'm not right within. 

Like I say all of the time - life can and will HUMBLE you! Don't think you're too good or better than anyone because it can happen to you too...