Bouncing Back After A Break-up
Hey Thrive Tribe!
As you know (or should know), BGT has 7 Pillars of Thriving. If you aren't familiar with what they are click the "ABOUT BGT" link at the top of the page.
Today’s topic will focus on the MENTAL pillar. I am going to discuss bouncing back after a break-up, which is something I’m currently going through. If you follow me on social media, then you know I like to be real with y’all. It’s important to me that I share as much with y’all as possible, because Thriving Through It All isn’t easy!
So listen, my (ex) boyfriend and I have been together on and off for the past 5 and a half years. FIVE. YEARS. *Insert face palm emoji* A couple of nights ago, he packed up and moved out in the middle of the night while I was asleep. We’ve been rocky the past few weeks but I never thought I’d wake up to all of his belongings gone and my house looking a hot ass mess. He blocked my number but had left me a note, insinuating that I was trying to play him. Whew chile – the accusations…
Anyway, I wrote him on Instagram addressing what he said in his note and his responses were rude. I mean he was hitting below the belt, hit after hit after hit. Babyboy was HOT. And although he tried to act like he didn’t care it was clear he was in his feelings, so I stopped responding. We’ve been through this several times, so this isn’t new, but this time, my reaction even shocked me.
My last message to him was "I’ma leave you alone, be safe.” He sent another response and I just liked it. Old me would have called him all types of bum ass niggas, but honestly, I felt a peace come over me.
In that last message he told me to throw away anything he left. Bet. He left so much stuff here. Boxers, wifebeaters, clean laundry in the dryer – he was really trying to get out of here before I woke up. I ended up throwing away 5 bags of clothes, 2 pairs of shoes, some tattoo equipment and some random shit he left in some drawers. With every bag I tossed away I felt better and better.
I posted a video yesterday on IG Live about falling in love with someone’s potential, wanting more for someone than they want for themselves, and loving someone more than you love yourself.
That is what happened to me. My ex is a phenomenal tattoo artist and has been at it for almost 10 years. I’ve watched him improve significantly. I was there when he was doing 1 tattoo a month, I was there in the trenches with him. Here we are, five and a half years later, and while he has progressed as an artist, we haven’t made much progress as couple. At five and a half years, you’d think a ring would be closer right? *Inserts eye roll emoji* As for myself, I’ve gotten a master’s degree, started and ended a teaching career, and started a business. Individually we are flourishing, and I expected us to grow more together. I wanted to start looking at marriage, doing small things like getting a joint account together to save for bills and baecations, start making investments together, really get on this building wealth train. And well, he wasn’t interested.
I know what my ex is capable of, and in my opinion he should have his own shop right now. He should have people booking him and paying deposits online. He did a run of shirts for a clothing line he wanted to create and it was very successful – but he never did a second run. He has so much potential and I see that, and that’s what I held on to…but I’m learning that you can’t hold on to potential! You gotta take your significant other for who they are, because you many wait around forever waiting on them to reach their potential.
Now I love that man to death, I do. But I have to put myself first. I have to love myself more. I have to focus on me. Like I said we've been through this several times, I don’t know what the future holds, but right now it feels good to be able to put me first and not have to consider anyone else’s feelings.
I’ve had a few sad moments because when you’re with someone for so long, this shit hurts, no matter how bad you may have been. I suffer from depression and anxiety, so emotional events like this can really take a toll on my mental health. Normally, I’d be balled up crying in my bed, not eating, not sleeping, just suffering. But this time it’s different. I cried reading that note and while talking about the situation that morning (mainly because of the way he left, not really because he was gone). But other than that emotionally I’ve been okay. I talked to 3 of my friends about it and my mom so now I have what I like to call “relationship accountability partners.” I know if I call them when I’m sad or thinking about him, they’ll tell me to snap the fuck out of it. They’ll remind me of this moment.
I’ve been keeping busy. Having 2 pitbulls keeps me occupied (I’ve cleaned up too much dog shit smh). I’ve deep cleaned my house, set up another office space, I’ve been intermittent fasting, I bought myself some flowers, and I’ve been working. Hell I already got a date *inserts salsa dancing emoji* and I’m determined to enjoy myself.
Although it’s only been a week, my house feels empty. I mean, I do miss having a second human around. BUT I do like that I have been able to sage without complaints, and for some reason my dogs have been wayyyyy calmer (I don’t know if another male presence in here was making them anxious or what). During a break-up you can either choose to be depressed or work through it.
I choose the latter.