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Quarantining with Mama - Trying to Keep My Sanity

I know that this quarantine has been a trying time for everyone. Cabin fever is real and I feel like I'm at my breaking point. Pray for those of us who live with our parents - we are NOT okay (at least I'm not). 
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So, just to give you a little background, my lease was up in March 2020 and my mama literally begged me to come back home for a little bit to save money and figure my life out. I was (and still is) weighing my options - to move out of state, to move to another city in NC, or just find another apartment here in Charlotte. I still have job offers out of state, but with my mom's health, I don't want to be too far from here. They're still there though because I'm not 100% sure what I want to do yet. HOWEVER, I know for a fact that being under the same roof is too damn close and I'm so tired of it. 
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At my 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom townhouse it was JUST me and my dogs. I miss my peace and my quiet space. I loved not being bothered. I loved being able to come home, get ass naked, have my house as hot or as cold as I wanted it to be. I miss waking up and it's just me in my house. I miss blasting my music. I miss my groceries not being touched (oh this shit right here have me ready to fight). I just miss my privacy & my solitude. 
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I went from having 2 full bathrooms to sharing one. My dogs and I are crammed in a small room. They don't have the freedom they're used to & I feel so bad about that. It makes me want to rehome them - they don't deserve this shit. I went from living alone to living in a house with 6 other people. My mom has custody of her deceased brother's (RIP Uncle Jeff) grandkids and since the quarantine they've been gone with their parents so it's made it a little more bearable (not much, but a little bit). My grandmother now lives there & she is a full-time job in itself. It's constantly people in and out of the house. Y'all, it's. so. much.
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By this time I know you're thinking - well damn, if it's so bad LEAVE! Trust me, I want to, and I could go rent something tomorrow. I've been getting my credit together and saving so I could possibly purchase something by the end of the year. That's the only reason why I'm enduring this shit. I'm literally sacrificing my peace of mind for the next 6-8 months so my boys can have the yard they deserve. 
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I'm thankful for my mom. Many black folks wouldn't dare let their almost 30 year old child come back home, especially for free. I'm blessed in that sense, but at the same time you cannot put a price on your peace of mind.
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I turned 28 on 5/15 and for my birthday I went and got a room for the night BY MYSELF. I didn't call my home girls or a man - I just wanted to be alone. And that was incredible. I felt recharged and rejuvenated just by being alone for 16 hours. So, to preserve my mental health, I'm going to start getting me a room once or twice a week within 2 hours of Charlotte. I just booked a room for tonight in the city. Hell next week I may be in Durham or Columbia. Gastonia don't sound too bad at this point. 
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This compromise I'm making with myself is setting me up to be in a better position later on. Lord knows I love my mama with every fiber of my being, & I love not paying $1300/month in rent anymore. I could save the hotel room $ but let me tell you - $85 once a week for a room is worth maintaining my sanity. 

3 comments

  • Girl – you need to hop on the 8:30 pm zoom tonight and talk to me! In addition to this, I have other resources that can help right away! I feel ya – and I feel for those dogs!!! Plus, I like to crank my music! FB message me before 8:30 tonight (Tuesday – May 19) or hop on my FB because the post is there – and it be real – and it’s time for sanity, sangria and a bigger place.

    Margie Dunki-Jacobs
  • Thanks for sharing. Peace is priceless!!! I live alone and work from home. I couldn’t imagine sharing space with anyone 24/7 at this time. I need the quiet and solitude to re-charge after a full day of work. I’ve had moments of wishing I had someone in-person (not zoom) to commiserate with. But in the end, curling up on my couch wrapped in a blanket and crying…alone…is what I need. The opportunity to reach your goals (save$$$) and have priceless time with family right now is invaluable as well.

    Angelique
  • Girllllllllllll you know I understand first hand! Living with Elsa is hard as hell! But I’m in this with you girl. Owning is the best thing to do even if it means sacrificing peace of mind for a little while. I think the hotel a few times a month is a bomb idea just to get away for a few! I mean my tag along Serai is now with me lol but that’s for life now. But sometimes just us getting away from my mom and all family is good to just breathe! Just chill in your own space and watch Netflix and do wtf you want!! So yessssss I’m happy you’re doing you! You are such an amazing friend and person overall and you deserve sanity! I know a lot of what you’ve gone through and I know you ain’t got nothing but greatness coming to you soon as far as buying a home, your health, your credit score and your peace! Know I’m always here rockin wit ya girl! Since ‘08!! Love you girl 💖💖💖💖

    Seri-t

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